1. The people who buy the smelly nachos
What happened to you in a former life that you now crave fake yellow cheese and cardboard-y tortilla chips? Are you alright?
2. The person who blinds you checking their phone mid-film
You’re not being surreptitious about it, sorry.
3. The person who stage whispers to their friend throughout
And you’re not being surreptitious either. Why can’t anybody be surreptitious?
4. The seat kickers
Don’t make me turn around and look at you passive-aggressively.
5. The person who does not put their phone on silent and cannot find it when it inevitably rings
If you want to find the one person in the world who has their phone on loud in the Year of Our Lord 2017, go to the cinema. They’ll be there.
6. The person who ANSWERS their phone when it rings
There are no words for this kind of atrocity.
7. The person rattling off trivia during the trailers
Oh he was in Quentin Tarantino’s last one, was he? This one has great reviews? Start a blog, nerd!
8. The person who insists on sitting right up beside you, even though the screen is empty
I don’t CARE if it’s your assigned seat. Don’t be weird.
9. That one person with the laugh
The laugh that fills the entire space and ricochets off the walls. The laugh that emerges regardless of if the jokes are particularly funny or not. That laugh.
10. The people who make a whole row stand up to let them through when they could have just gone up the other stairs
Is it too rude to just tell them to do that? You’ll make us drop our precious cinema popcorn!
11. The Gang of Teenz that have no intention of watching the movie
The whole audience stiffens when they see them come in. There’ll be no peaceful movie-watching tonight.
12. And the person trying to hold approximately three million seats for their friends
They’re not coming. Go home.
COMMENTS (18)